


Shattered Faith

by Willowingends



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Bisexual Lily Evans Potter, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Crisis of Faith, Dehydration, Discussion of war, Escape, F/F, F/M, Fairest of the Rare's Sing Me a Rare 2020, First War with Voldemort, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Torture, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Faith, Malnutrition, Minor Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Past Narcissa Malfoy/Bellatrix Lestrange, Sing Me a Rare, Starvation, Torture, past Narcissa Malfoy/Lily Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26310832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowingends/pseuds/Willowingends
Summary: The Dark Lord has captured Lily Potter but has grown tired of trying to pry secrets from her sealed lips. Narcissa has been made her caretaker until Lily wears out her use. The past they share has... complicated this arrangement.
Relationships: Narcissa Black Malfoy/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 23
Kudos: 54
Collections: Sing Me a Rare: UK Invasion!





	Shattered Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sing-Me-A-Rare: UK Invasion.  
> Song Prompt - Precious -- Depeche Mode

The whispered  _ lumos _ lit up the small room. Its emptiness was unsettling. The rooms of this manor were meant to be filled with relics of the family, the floors to be covered in a rug with the noble crest emblazoned upon it. In here there was nothing. A barrenness that left the room quivering with a cold air. Only a small flame flickered against it’s walls, shifting and twitching in unnatural movements, raising itself up to the height of a human standing, and between the red tendrils that shone dull under the white light of the wand, cloudy green lights flashed with a hunger, a hatred that fed the stick-thin frame that housed them. 

A specter haunted this room now, her figure resolute as she drew herself up to face the two men standing in the doorway. She did not make a bid for escape but stood there, legs trembling, as she dared them to do whatever it was they had come here to do.

“Where are James and Harry Potter?”

Cracked lips split as a cold smile flickered to life under the hard green eyes. “I don’t know.”

A flash of red, another wand brandished, and a sharp cry of pain that was cut short as the same lips that had smiled were now caught between sharp teeth. But the waif remained standing, wrapped in the shadows that fled from the wand’s light. Again the cold voice rang. Imperious, demanding, soaked in disgust.

“Who is their secret keeper?”

Sallow skin stretched as a shaking arm was raised, the middle finger raised, the fingernail cracked and ragged. “Go to muggle hell and burn you-”

“ _ Cruicio!” _

A scream rent the air and Lily Potter’s body dropped to the floor. Her legs twitched as her mouth stretched with a soundless cry of pain. Tears tracked down her cheeks but her eyes remained open, staring at the two figures in the doorway. Hatred burned in every inch of her being as her body twitched and twisted across the floor. Fingers, pale and thin like the bone was attempting to shatter the skin, reached for the black robes.

The door slammed closed and an anguished shriek followed the retreating figures down the hall.

* * *

“But my Lord-” The voice cracked and Narcissa froze. Her arms hung loosely at her sides as she stood in the shadowed doorway of the manor that the Death Eaters had claimed as their base of operations. It was not her home, she did not belong here. It was not the Black manor nor the Malfoy’s. Some other member of the twenty-eight who did not have a family to care for, support. And every day she was drawn here by her husband’s duties, by her own loyalties. And every day she felt more and more foreign. A ghost who belonged in these halls as much as that cracked voice did. She should keep moving, keep her head down, keep her piece as a wife of a pureblood family. 

She was a Black. She craved every bit of information she could get to keep herself and her newly born son safe.

So Narcissa paused just outside the doorway, held her breath, and listened.

The voice was speaking again, leveled out. As though he had swallowed all his emotions and was doing his best to make a logical case to the most illogical man Narcissa had ever known. “My Lord, you said you would spare her.”

“And I have Severus.” A chill crept into Narcissa’s bones at the dismissive words that hinted at the sharp edge of rage. “She is alive, she clings to life like a stubborn bowtruckle clings to a tree. Indeed I have spared her the worst of my wrath as she continues to defy me, disrespect me. I have held my patience with her an incredible amount for your sake.”

The accusations between those words were clear. It was Severus’ fault Lord Voldemort was so frustrated. It was his fault that the woman was draining resources. It was his fault Lily suffered still. Narcissa’s fingers twisted in her robes. She was familiar with the affection Severus carried for the prisoner. How could she not be when she had watched Evans with the same eyes all through their time at Hogwarts. With envy, with scorn, with longing. Curious as to how magic flowed in her muggle veins, yearning to know what her pink lips tasted like when she laughed. Grief and fear and rage for the woman mixing with Narcissa’s own self-hatred and self-doubt as her marriage to Lucius approached her seventh year and Lily’s path in this war was set her fifth year.

Tragedy. That was all Lily Evans had been made for, and now Lily Potter bore the weight of it all. 

“My lord surely there is a way-”

Narcissa flinched at the familiar sound of a stinging hex. A spell she could take now with a blank face, but she could hear the soft whimper of Severus under the Dark Lord’s words. “If you wish to beg for mercy on her behalf Severus you are doing poorly. You are trying my patience. If you desire her suffering to end then why do you not go into her room and kill her yourself. Let your face be the last one she sees before she dies.” A cold laugh echoed and Narcissa felt a hand clenched tightly around her heart. “In fact, I command you to do so. She is of no use to me now, and you beg for mercy that I have already granted. A punishment and a reward in one flick of a wand.” 

Narcissa’s hand was on the doorknob before she could stop herself. The Black impulsiveness overruled all her careful raising, the self-preservation that had been beat into her skin. She stood frozen in the sight of green and black eyes, her skin feeling paler and colder as each second ticked by. “My Lord.” She dropped a hasty curtsy, staring at the floor as her head spun, as her mind sought for words to excuse her actions.

“The Lady Malfoy,” the man replied with a hiss, “to what do I owe the interruption?”

“The mudblood, she is not wholly useless.”

The Dark Lord’s brows rose into his chestnut brown curls and Narcissa breathed out slowly as she met his eyes and then lowered her gaze. Blank walls, smooth thoughts, a small pond and not a deep ocean. Nothing to see but her surface thoughts, her next words, just as her father had taught. “Eavesdropping, Lady Malfoy, is not befitting of a pureblood woman.”

“Only a passing accident my lord.” She said smoothly. “But the mudblood is the wife of one of the most prominent aurors at the moment. Surely they will attempt a rescue, and we will have the upper hand in that battle. We can narrow down their numbers, remove the blood traitors and show that pure blood will only be spilled again and again for ungrateful filth.” The words did not taste like lies on her trembling lips. But the memory of Lily’s emerald reminded her of all her teenage doubts, her young obsessions, her belief that perhaps mudbloods were not truly lesser.

His green eyes focused on her and she stilled. Fear spilled in her, but she knew he could smell it no matter how she hid it, so why not show the power he had over her. “You have a point Narcissa. Lucius does not have half your mind does he.” Another cold laugh, the flicker of Severus’ dark eyes to her face, and Narcissa’s own blood beating against her ears. “But who shall watch her, feed her, keep her from escaping? I do not trust the house elves and I can not spare any of my loyal death eaters to babysit. Do you have a solution for that as well, little snake?”

A steadying breath, “I do my lord.” She raised a hand to her chest. “Me. I am experienced with dueling, as all Blacks are. And I have given birth recently, making me unfit for any public appearances or battles. I will sacrifice my own freedom and contentment to provide our cause this chance.”

Quiet consideration flickered across the man’s face and Narcissa held her breath. She dared not look to Severus or the way his hand seemed to twitch at his side in fury? Frustration, dear? It did not matter. What mattered was keeping her pond still, no ripples across the surface. She was loyal to her husband. Loyal to the Dark Lord. That was all that mattered.

“A shame you were born a woman without your sister’s drive. You would have been a valuable piece in this game Narcissa.” The words were spoken softly, almost in a praising manner. Narcissa’s shoulders lowered, tension bleeding from her muscles. “Do as you say. I only expect to hear nothing. No escape, no complaints. In time perhaps she will pay off as you proposed. Now, both of you, out of my sight.”

He raised his hand and a wind swirled around them, fluttering their robes and dragging them back towards the door. When the door closed in their faces, Narcissa let out the heavy breath she had been holding, her hand fluttering up to her chest. What had possessed her to act so brazenly? To speak so assuredly before a man who would not hesitate to kill her? 

It was a simple answer of course. Lily’s floral smelling hair, the laughter Narcissa had heard echoing down the corridors of Hogwarts. The silhouette of the redhead with her lips pressed firmly to Dorcas Meadowes’ lips and the dragon that had roared within Narcissa’s chest. The dragon had risen again, screeching the urge to protect deep within her veins. 

A hard gaze was fixed upon her. She could feel it now that she could think as a turbulent storm. Narcissa turned her gaze to meet the burning coals in the pale and twisted face of Severus Snape. She lifted a single eyebrow in silent question.

“I didn’t need your help.” Severus spat at her. 

Narcissa raised her chin, looking down at him, “Then I suppose it is a good thing I did not do it for you.” She swept from the room, her hands trembling against her robes, but victory singing in her veins. But a victory over what she was not sure.

* * *

A hand was wrapped tight around Narcissa’s own. Eyes of people who might be her ancestors followed her, their whispers dying as she turned a corner and entered an empty corridor. Prisoners did not get companionship of even portraits. The hand squeezed tighter, dragging her to a sudden stop on the cold floor. A second pair of footsteps stilled in their following of her down the hall, and angry words poured like vitriol oil from her sister’s lips. 

“This is a foolish game you play Narcissa! Dangerous. Do you even know what stakes you play against Cissa?”

“It’s a good thing I am not playing a game then.”

“Why are you risking yourself for this filth?”

“I am aiding  _ your _ cause. Just as I told the Dark Lord.”

“And you’re lying! I know you Cissy.”

Narcissa’s grey eyes flashed and she dug her nails into Bellatrix’s calloused palm. “Then you would do well to keep your ridiculous suspicions to yourself. Where no one can gleam them. You’ll do that if you love me as you claim.” 

Bellatrix’s hooded eyes darkened with fury, her lips twisting in a snarl, “You are the only one I care about left. Do not accuse me of endangering you!”

“Then keep your mouth shut and trust me.” Narcissa’s grasp softened and she raised her free hand to cup Bellatrix’s rage flushed cheek. “I would do nothing to put myself at risk. Not while I have you and Draco to keep me grounded, hold me sane in the face of my husband’s madness and our path towards a pure world. I am simply doing my part. Trust me and keep me safe Bella.” The furious light faded from her sister’s eyes as she leaned into her palm. “Now go. I’ll be fine.” Narcissa smiled softly as Bellatrix turned to press a kiss to her palm.

“If this bitch gets you hurt, I will not rest until she is dead.” The woman murmured before turning away and leaving Narcissa alone before the locked door.

Breathing in deeply, she turned, casting  _ alohamora _ and stepped into the dark room with her wand and its light raised high.

“Merlin, what have they done to you?” Narcissa’s shocked words were accented by the heavy door swinging shut behind her with a final thud.

The woman looked like a ghost. Any weight she had put on with her recent pregnancy was long gone, her skin clinging to her bones like wet paper. Her red hair hung in strings around her face, matted and dull, the weak color adding to her washed out look. Her beautiful green eyes were sunken, but fire still flickered within them, and when she smiled at Narcissa her lips and gums bled, giving her the most ghoulish of appearances. “This is the hospitality of your lord. What, does it not please your regal senses Narcissa?” She laughed and seemed to choke on the air, the laughter turning quickly to coughing to weak wheezing as her head rolled back and rested against the wall. 

“Lily-”

“No!” The woman cast out a hand,ugly and small in the washed out silver light of Narcissa’s wand. “I don’t want to hear it. I won’t tell you anything I wouldn’t tell them. You’ll get no information out of me so fuck off with your manipulations and softness. I don’t trust you. I’ll never trust you again!”

Again she choked, but this time it appeared to be on a sob that wracked her entire frame. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her hollow cheek upon them. “I went there expecting to see you, to help you. Your letter said you wanted out… That you wanted to keep your baby boy safe… Why did I believe you? I wouldn’t be here if not for you!”

A pit was forming in Narcissa’s stomach. Someone knew. Someone had known of her past indiscretions and instead of using it against her had used it to gain favor with Lord Voldemort. Someone had used her weakness to draw this woman into a trap. “Lily… You have to understand I never-”

“Is this some sort of joke?” Lily cut across her again, as though she could not bear to hear Narcissa speak. Another burst of laughter, a welling of tears that tracked a familiar ragged path down her cheeks. Another stab of an invisible dagger in Narcissa’s chest. “ Am I your reward for being such good little dogs for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? You get to cheat on your husband with the mudblood you kissed once before your wedding? When she can’t reject you, when she can’t deny you again.”

It was as though a cold  _ aguamenti _ had been cast over Narcissa. A chill settled in her bones, a thin grimace pulled at her lips as she regarded the frantic look in the witch’s eyes. “You only denied me the next year when Potter asked you to date him.” 

Her defensive words were met with a sneer. “No, I think I denied you the first time your husband dear was sighted attacking muggles. And when you defended him, lied for him, claimed to be in his bed when you were in  _ mine _ .” Lily’s head dropped, all the fight seeming to bleed out of her in those gasped out words. “I was so ready to hear you apologize. To see you again. I was a fool. You don’t know the meaning of the word sorry.” 

Narcissa stood in silence. Her silver gaze fluttered over the woman and then she dropped to her knees, lowering her wand to the floor though it remained under her hand. “I’m here to ease your suffering Lily.”

A snort was the only reply, but the other woman didn’t resist as Narcissa raised her wand and let water gently fall upon her dirty hair. With soft fingers she scrubbed away the dirt from the red locks, kept the water warm, kept the sob from Lily’s eyes. And through it all Lily sat still, soft sobs escaping into the silent room and filling the gap that had broken between them. 

* * *

And so it went for months. Narcissa brought Lily her food, brought her clean clothes, cleaned her when she could not clean herself. They shared a privacy of bitter resentment and quiet guilt in the empty and grey room. No one listened to them, no one knew what they spoke of in that room, but disquiet settled over Narcissa. It reared its head in warning every time Bellatrix studied her face, every time she traced the stony expression that settled upon Narcissa when she returned from caring for the prisoner. When Bellatrix’s rough fingers soothed wrinkles from her brow, when she whispered to her not to worry so much over a woman who would be dead by the end of the war. When Bellatrix tried to coax her from the hollowness that settled over her every time Lucius returned from a mission, her older sister would cradle her close and speak of the Death Eaters' angels who cared too much for the suffering of others.

“She deserves it Cissy. They all deserve it for tainting our world.” Her lips would press against her temple. But every week the confident words of Bellatrix were torn away by Lily’s bitter conviction.

Every conversation with the red head was a battle, even as she lay lax in Narcissa’s arms as the woman brushed her hair, kissed her cheeks, held her close. And such simple things would set her off, Narcissa learned. It was near August when the woman’s angry words took on a fierceness in the light of all the tenderness Narcissa provided her.

“You should stop trying to fight when the others come to question you. You don’t deserve this suffering.” Narcissa whispered against her temple as she healed another cut on the woman’s arm.

“My people don’t deserve to die Narcissa.”

“Not all of them will die.” She attempted to soothe. But it only earned her a hard shove as Lily flew to her feet, her teeth bared in a fierce snarl. 

“Oh no! They will only be treated like animals and monsters. That's so much better than death!” Her fingers tugged violently at her hair, rending it from her scalp as she laughed her broken laugh. A horrible mockery of the happiness Narcissa still dreamed of. “God James was right. I was a fool to think you would ever change! I shouldn’t have risked them for you!”

Narcissa’s felt the coiled dragon within her rise. She was on her feet as well, her wand sparking in her hand. She felt a twisted satisfaction as Lily’s eyes flicked to it. As her eyes filled with fear. 

It made her feel sick.

But she could not stop the words that spilled over her lips. She could not contain the words that had been building since she and Lily had parted. "Why do you speak so fondly of him? You don’t love him! Not like you loved me! It’s not the same at all! And he doesn’t love you! Can’t you see that? He hasn't come for you! Your precious Order, your darling  _ James _ hasn't even tried. Why do you suffer for them? Why don’t you just tell the Dark Lord what you know so I can take you home and make you safe!" 

Lily shook her head, trembling as she stepped back until her back was against the wall. But even while her eyes were flooded with fear, a smile pulled at her chapped pink lips. “You’re a mother, aren’t you Lady Malfoy?”

Narcissa pulled back at the sharp lash of the title across her skin. At the cold fury that built under Lily’s words. But she nodded stiffly in the face of Lily’s brutal tone. It was a ridiculous question. The woman knew she had a son. She had spoken of Draco to her many times in their private moments together. 

"Then let me explain something simple to you, mother to mother. James is with Harry, the Order is with Harry, and your Lord wants my baby boy dead. And I want you to know that I will suffer anything to protect my Harry. And James with him. Because he needs at least one parent." Her green eyes pinned Narcissa in place. "Who will be there for your child, when this war is over?"

* * *

Lily’s face lit up as she saw Narcissa enter the room. Her shoulders relaxed, Narcissa noticed. Relief flooded her as the other woman’s face came into view. That left a cold sickness in her veins, because it meant Lily had had other guests while she was caring for a sick Draco. She should have come anyway. Her prescience kept the hungry horrors at bay. But that was something she could not change now, she could only make the here and now better for the other. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh?” Lily responded, drawing herself up from the slumped position she had been maintaining. “Is it another fancy snack? Or perhaps a pretty new dress, this one’s getting pretty ragged by your standards.” She teased, her lips pulling into a soft smile.

“Not quite.” Narcissa smiled in return, turning to close the door behind her, and in doing so revealing her secret surprise. And she knew it was noticed, because a joyous gasp came from Lily. The sound made Narcissa’s heart sing, beating over and over the sound of happiness and joy. Because she heard no danger in that noise, only the promise of some more gentle outcome. “Lily, I’d like you to meet Draco.”

The two year old clung to the back of Narcissa’s robes. His grey eyes were wide with curiosity, solemn in the way a two year old’s weren’t unless they were told to be quiet, to behave, and knew the price of disobeying. His blond hair was thin, sweeping along his scalp in a gentle curve and his round cheeks had a warm glow to them in the cold manor. And Lily, Narcissa could see, was smitten. She knelt, smoothing her dress, pushing back her hair, trying to look as unopposing as possible. 

“Hello Draco.” She cooed. “You’re about the age of my Harry. Aren’t you precious?” Her gaze flicked up to Narcissa, “What are you doing here this evening? What have I done to deserve such an esteemed guest!”

The little boy turned his gaze to her, looking at her in a strange combination of disdain and curiosity, respect and disinterest. It was a rather funny look on a two year old. “Daddy’s gone.”

“Lucius is out of the house, Bellatrix is here, and I don’t trust him with the house elves. He just got over a small bout of sickness. I didn’t want to leave him alone in the manor. And I thought you might appreciate… a little brightness, a little… innocence.” Narcissa supplied a true answer. “Draco, you can sit with Lily. She’s… She won’t hurt you.” A small ball of shame welled up in Narcissa’s chest as Draco looked at her almost doubtfully. Her son couldn’t trust her to tell him who would and would not hurt him, and she could not trust herself to say out loud the words that Lily was better than anyone she knew. That Lily was no filth creature leagues below them. The words sat on her tongue but her lips could not form the truth. So she settled, settled in between the two worlds she lived in -- the one she had grown up in, and the one inside this room.

She sat to the side, resting as she watched Lily talk to Draco. The other woman took her son onto her lap with ease. She whispered stories to him that Narcissa half-listened to, she brushed back his hair and played clapping games to entertain him when he got bored. It was sweet. It was more than Lucius had ever done with their son. It made an ache build and form in her chest.

“Oh I hate this dark room Draco.” Lily murmured and Narcissa’s gaze quickly turned sharper, a warning noise coming from her throat, but the redhead talked over her. “But not as much as I hate what happens outside it.”

“Daddy’s friends?” 

“Yes, daddy’s friends.” Lily murmured, her fingers again smoothing back his hair. “I worry they’ll hurt people very close to me.”

“Hate me cause that?” Draco asked, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“Because, Draco, not cause.” Narcissa reminded, her voice faint, her heart aching for the look in her son’s eyes. 

But both the boy and Lily ignored her as Lily rubbed soothing circles on his back. “No, no. I couldn’t hate you. You’re just a baby. I won’t ever blame you for the actions of others, only the choices you make.” Her tone was so soft and Narcissa had to close her eyes, to turn her head, to look away. Because she couldn’t be sure the people she had shared her life with, the men and women she had always known and admired, would be so kind to the children of the other side. It turned her stomach to think of what crimes might be committed against the children just because of the actions of their parents. Just because their parents had been born to the wrong families. 

She stood, drawing their attention to her at last. “It’s time to go Draco. Say goodbye.” 

The little boy crawled out of Lily’s lap, giving her a small hug before doing so, “G’bye.” He said with a little wave as Narcissa came to take his hand.

And in a moment of weakness, in a moment of sweetness at the soft wiggle of Lily’s fingers and the small curve of her lips, Narcissa bent down and kissed the other woman. A gentle caress of the lips, barely a breeze moving the air between them. But Lily did not pull away. If anything she leaned into the kiss, her eyes closing and the sweetest sound of contentment passed from her to Narcissa’s lips.

And then the warmth was gone, and a coldness flooded Narcissa as she pulled away. Lily’s smile did not sooth her, and she could see in those vibrant green eyes, that the other knew just how many new obstacles had risen between them. “Come back soon.” She whispered, and Narcissa didn’t know if she spoke to her or Draco. And she didn’t know which her heart longed for more.

* * *

The halls were silent. The wails of mourning, the screams of fury, the frantic scrambling of escaping cowards had faded in those early hours. But her own tears still coursed wild tracks down her face. The Dark Lord gone by some means no one could understand, Frank and Alive Longbottom dead with their baby boy rumored to somehow still be alive in the face of the killing curse. Her own sister, her dearest Bellatrix, captured with her husband and brother-in-law in their pursuit of James Potter. 

Her husband in manacles at the very ministry he worked at. 

Narcissa was more fully alone than ever in the darkness of the manor that had been growing colder and colder with every hour. She could hear the death eaters still loyal to their dark lord milling in the rooms, moving through the halls like wraiths, but she was not one of them. Not anymore. And they could sense that. She was certain of it. Their mounting frustrations, their fury was building to a head just under the small veneer she had pulled over them by playing the mourning pureblood, the desperate wife.

She held Draco tighter to her chest as she unlocked Lily’s door. The woman was already standing, battle ready. Her fists were raised, wariness in every inch of her being. She looked better, looked healthier than the first time Narcissa had laid eyes on her in this cursed room. She wasn’t perfect, but she was strong. She, certainly, could handle this. “Narcissa-?”

“Come on.” Narcissa held the door open, her hand shaking. “We’re leaving. Now.” Now before they turned against her in their anger. Now before they decided to hunt the mudblood for sport. To make a final example of her before their world came tumbling down around their ears.

For her part, Lily moved quickly. She had nothing to grab, no mementos to save from this place. Her feet carried her across the room and to Narcissa’s side and as they moved down the halls it was with the practiced ease of a woman who had never forgotten what it took to stay alive. “What’s happened?” She hissed in Narcissa’s ear as they reached a corner that was devoid of all noise, all life. The warm air tickled Narcissa’s neck and a flush crawled along her skin despite her attempt to dampen it. She shook her head.

“I’ll tell you when we get out of here.”

Narcissa hadn’t planned their escape. Not really. She had spent all morning shrinking her items that had found their way to this house until she could fit them all in the purse that rattled at her side. Then she had scooped up Draco and headed directly to Lily’s room. But she knew the layout of these halls as well as she knew her own. She had grown up here after all, running these halls with her sisters, tortured house elves in the shadowed corners, laughed as Bellatrix tickled her sides, cried as Andromeda shrieked and fought and left their father. She had forgotten this had been her home as the Dark Lord’s hands cupped the halls in his pale hands.

Another thing that this war, this side, this belief had shattered for her.

Turning left she froze as a door swung open and Macnair stood staring at her in return. She raised herself up, chin tilted up and heart racing. He would kill them. He would take Lily and break her and do the same to her before killing the mudblood and the traitor. And he would have no sympathy for her baby boy either.

“Malfoy.” he drawled, eyes glittering as he looked at them. “What have we here?” And his eyes moved from them back into the room he had come out of, a smile curving his lips. “Hey boys, we have some sport left to hunt after all.”

Narcissa’s heart stopped as Lily shifted beside her. The woman was determined to fight wandless.

The woman would die.

It was a moment but it was also an eternity. Every option laid out before her suddenly clear mind. Every possibility, every happy ending, every bad ending. Mornings spent in each other’s arms, soft kisses exchanged over candlelight, daydreams of raising Draco with the brilliant redheaded woman at the other side of the table. Three coffins laid in the ground, if they were even given that dignity. 

Lily Evans had been made for tragedy. Narcissa would be sure to have Lily Potter live in happiness. 

Turning swiftly she cupped Lily’s cheek. She ran her finger over her cheek, taking in the fire that burned in her eyes and accepting it into herself. In return she pushed every memory of the layout of the house, every hiding hole, every turn and door. Then she kissed her. Quick, filled with love and all the passion that she had always hidden away. And then she was pushing Draco into Lily’s arms, begging her to let him know he was loved, the purse was placed upon her baby’s chest and with that she pushed Lily away. Her heart was racing, aching, filled with mad sorrow and in that moment she felt as though she finally understood Bellatrix’s madness, Bellatrix’s devotion. 

She had promised against Lily’s lips that she would be right behind them. As she drew her wand and faced down the four others who joined Macnair in the hallway she knew she had lied. She just had to buy them enough time.

She just had to make sure her love went with them to where she could not follow. Into the world of mercy and forgiveness. A world she knew she could not be accepted into, no matter what sang in her heart, no matter what sacrifices she made. 

Lily’s warmth filled her, and she raised her wand to duel.

* * *

Sunlight poured into the room, flowing across the hardwood floors like liquid gold. The curtains were thrown open, as they always were on bright sunny days. Lily sat on the floor, two five year old boys sitting on either side of her as she laid out a photo album before them all. “And this woman, right here Draco, see her? This is your mother Narcissa.” Her fingers drifted over the regal and solemn face of Narcissa in her wedding gown. A solo picture, thankfully, probably used for the Black family albums that Sirius had somehow gotten his hands on for her. 

“She’s beautiful.” Harry murmured, leaning closer to look at the picture. He looked up at his mother, green eyes curious. “Did she work with you and dad?”

Lily’s smile was soft, stilted as she gazed at the picture. “No… Not really love.”

“Was she a bad person?”

Draco’s words were simple but wrought with so much emotion that it tore Lily apart. Every day she ached, missing the woman that had become her grounding force, the woman who her heart had never truly given up on. But it hurt more for the boy she had come to love as her own, who would never truiy get to know his mother outside of stories and rumors. She leaned over and gathered him in a tight hug, finding her words choked in her throat. Her silence and hug didn’t seem to reassure him though, in fact it seemed to put him more on edge as he tried to squirm away from her.

“Narcissa was a brave woman.”

James’ voice came from the doorway. His deep brown eyes looked over all of them with a solemn look. “She was a little misguided, a little mean, but in the end… She was a good, brave woman who couldn’t stand by and let others be hurt. She saved your mother, and my best friend.”

Draco relaxed in Lily’s arms and she sought a thankful, bright smile at her ex-husband. He nodded and came to sit beside the three of them, pulling Harry onto his lap. “I think Sirius told me he had a picture of her after a potion went wrong. Let’s see if we can’t find it yeah?”

Leaning against the man, Lily’s eyes remained on the picture of Narcissa in her wedding gown, the sullen pull of her lips, and then she closed her eyes. It was better to remember the uncertain smile, the soft pink lips, and the way she had taken on the weight of the world for Lily and her son.


End file.
